I don't know if I am ready to write this blog post or not, but here goes.
First off I want to say Thank You to every one that has prayed for us and followed along on our journey. Second Thank You to everyone that has called me brave for sharing our journey. Every time I would hit post, I would have a moment of panic and questions would go through my head. Am I sharing too much? Does anyone really care to read about our struggles? Your kind words stopped me on more than one occasion from deleting the posts. I am not sure I would call myself brave, I think sharing is just something that I felt called to do.
If you have been following along you know from the last post that we were in the 2 week wait. Well unfortunately we did not get the news we had hoped for. When I found this picture the other day for Ella's room, I had no idea just how true it would be. She is truly "our little miracle baby." It has taken me a couple of days to process the news. I knew going into all of this there was no guarantee it would work. But you still hold onto hope that it will. I was just thinking that maybe we would get another miracle. I think it's one thing for YOU to decide as a family you are done having kids but to have that decision taken away from you is another thing. I know that in the grand scheme of things it is not OUR decision, it's GOD's. I know that one day I will understand it all but right now it really stings.
Last post I talked about how thankful I was for this process. While it has probably been the hardest thing I have ever done. It also has taught me so much. This is not for the weak at heart. It will test everything in your life. You realize just how precious life is and just how special it is to have a child.
I know there is nothing that I could have done differently, but I still question it. I would be lying if I wasn't asking myself...why us. But then I stop and Thank God for Ella. I know that she is here for a reason and one day all will be revealed to us. As a friend told me today...you just have to find the lovely in all of this.
The 2 weeks we were waiting for the news were so long. But these last (almost) 2 years we have had with Ella have flown by. I just need time to stand still. I need to savor my baby a little bit longer. It's hard to believe that she will be 2 in almost a month. We are so grateful for her and I feel truly blessed that God has trusted me with her.
I know that each day will get easier and easier. As bad as it hurts, I am ready to begin a new chapter in our lives. Collin and I have been going through this process for probably 4 of the 6 years we have been married. As tough as it is to say we are done and as much as we wanted to add to our family, I know God has other plans in store for us.
7 years ago today...I said "yes" when Collin asked me to marry him. It hasn't been the easiest road but I would not change our story for anything in the world. Some people talk about being an old mom... I embrace it. God knew what He was doing when He was taking His time bringing us together. I could not have asked for a more supportive husband through this process. He loves his little girl!
This is one of my favorite books to read to Ella at night. So many people prayed for this little girl and I know that she is going to do great things. God has a special plan for our one "good egg." She really is EGGstra Special!So thank you all for all the encouraging words, prayers, and good vibes. Thank you for following our journey. Our next adventure is a trip for mom and dad! Get ready Tia and Pop you get the Texas Tornado for a week!
