God Winks

God Winks

Squire D. Rushnell is credited with coining the term godwink which he defines as 

An event or personal experience, often identified as coincidence, so astonishing that it is seen as a sign of divine intervention, especially when perceived as the answer to a prayer.

If you followed along from the original start of this blog (A Daily Dose of Ella) then some of you know that when times get tough for me, I like to write.  Never said I was good at it but it helps me get things out.  

This post will be about my mom and all the God Winks that we have felt over the last week.  I should start at the beginning.

My dad called me last Saturday and said Tia wasn’t feeling well.  Could not really pinpoint what was going on but just didn’t feel good.  If she wasn’t feeling better by Monday he was going to call the Dr.  I called to check on her on Monday and she was a little better he was able to get her to eat some soup.  I was still worried.  I talked to Stephani and we were both concerned.  By 9:45 that night, he had her in the ER at Riveroaks.  They got right in and after examining her discovered she thought she had a mild case of pneumonia and low sodium. 

Let me stop right now and say this is not “C” related or

that we are aware of.  She has not had it that we are aware 

of nor did she test positive when they brought her in.

They got her on some oxygen in the ER and were waiting to admit her.  My dad was keeping us updated.  Let me back up-Emery had been running a fever for the last couple of days with no other symptoms) so I was up with her for awhile Monday night.  At 12 am Ella comes running into our room with stomach issues.  Needless to say we were changing bed sheets at 1:00 am.  Musical beds and we all finally went to sleep.  I kept in touch with my dad on Tuesday and my mom was very restless and couldn’t get comfortable and was fighting the oxygen.  They were still waiting for a room.  I talked to him mid afternoon and they had gotten her to a room in the ICU. I asked about coming home and he told me he would let me know.  By the way Ella and Emery were fine all day Tuesday-would have never known either one of them had been not feeling well.  

I guess you could say that was God Wink #1.

As I was putting Emery to bed that night I decided to text Megan Bunniran a great family friend.  She offered to go check on my dad.  I knew he was probably going crazy and overwhelmed.  Around 8:30 (7:30 his time) Pop called and said he thought I should come on home that night.  Nothing had really changed but her oxygen levels were just not good.  She couldn’t settle down and get comfortable.  I knew it was bad if Pop was asking me to drive 6.5 hrs at 9:00 at night.  I immediately get up and starting throwing stuff in a bag.  Then I lose it.  Collin offered to go drive me.  We would get wake the girls up and go.  I said no, and then I remembered the time my dad had his heart attack and I had to make the drive from Hattiesburg to Jackson and don’t remember the drive.  So this is God Wink #2 because if it had been Wednesday he would have been out of town.  We packed the car and then woke the kids up and got on the road around 9:30 (my time).  At this point she was stable and they were able to get her to settle down and rest.  Pop had gone home to get wait for us and rest.  Stephani and Alyssa Claire were on their way down there as well.  We made it to Jackson around 2:30 am.  Pop was glad to see us and glad to see all the kids.  

Wednesday: Wednesday morning Pop, Stephani and I went up to Riveroaks to see how Tia was doing.  When we got there we found out that she had what they thought was a blood clot in the right ventricle of heart and several blood clots in her lungs.  This was causing more of the breathing issues.  So now what do we do?  We were all able to go in and see her and she was excited to see us all.  She was awake and alert and trying to talk to us.  God Wink #3, I talked to Tiffany (one of my very best friends) on the way home Tuesday night.  It’s a good thing she is a night owl and was awake at 1:00 am.  She said it just happened that she had a Dr. Appt across the street from Riveroaks Wednesday and she would come over and check on us.  She was able to make it up to the ICU floor and I got to see her, I haven’t seen her in forever.  

The choice we had to make at this point was do we move her to UMMC or leave her at Riveroaks.  There were risks with both but the bottom line was if we left her at Riveroaks and she got worse there wasn’t much else they could do.  If we took the chance to move her then the clot in her heart could move during transport.  We had a wonderful pulmonary Dr at Riveroaks and he was able to make some calls and she had a bed waiting for her at UMMC if we made the decision to move her.  I would say that was God Wink #4.  Pop, Stephani and I made the decision to move her to give her a fighting chance.  We all got to spend more time with her that day.  She told us she was fighting.  Around 4:45, the transported her to UMMC.  Pop and I actually beat the ambulance there and were able to see her.  She was awake, alert and knew we were there.  We had to wait for them to get her situated before we could see her.  By the time we got to see her she was restless and agitated.  We talked to her and I told her to not go looking for the pearly gates we still needed her here and she said she wasn’t ready to leave.  Of course all of this is through the BPAP machine. 

They did a echo bedside right when she got there and did see the clot in her heart.  They were waiting to take her to get a CT to see what was really going on.  The Dr said he would call us when they had the results.  Around 10:00 that night they called to let us know that the pneumonia was worse than they thought.  That along with the blood clots in her lungs they thought she would benefit from being put on a ventilator.  That was not what we wanted to hear but we also knew that she was struggling to keep her oxygen levels up.  Let me tell you that is a decision that no one wants to make.   I can’t even go into what all was going through my mind.  

Thursday: The next morning Stephani and I were getting ready to go up to the hospital. Pop just couldn’t bring himself to go up there.  He spend the day playing with the girls.  They had fun swimming and riding the golf cart.  My phone rang from a number I didn’t know.  I answered it and it was a dear family friend who had gone through something similar almost 2 years ago.  She said, “Robyn, this is Beth.  I am standing here looking at your sweet mama.”  I lost it.  I asked her how she was and she said she was resting peacefully.  She wanted to know if we were headed up there that she would wait for us.  I told her Stephani and I were about to walk out the door.  I was amazed that she was there and that they let her in. UMMC will only allow 2 visitors per day (the same 2) and you have to go through the front of the hospital and check in.  We got there and Beth was just sitting there holding my moms hand, talking to her and playing her music.   As I said Beth and her family were dear friends of ours growing up, but I honestly could not tell you the last time I had seen her.  How did we deserve such kindness and selflessness?  I am sure that was so hard for her to come up with and see someone on the vent.  This is God Wink #5 because Beth didn’t come through the front of the hospital she just got in.  I firmly believe God let her in.  

Stephani and I spent all day Thursday up there.  Mom was heavily sedated and on 100% oxygen.  She was stable.  We talked to the Drs. and honestly they are puzzled as to what is going on.  They do not know how her pneumonia got so bad.  We discussed the clot in her heart and right now we are all in agreement that mom is not a candidate for open heart surgery.  The clots are stable.  The #1 issue is the pneumonia.  We need to get that under control.  My sweet friends from Atlanta sent us groceries-you know you and your kids have best friends when they can shop and stock a kitchen like yours at home-so Stephani and I came home to a good cooked meal by Collin.  

Friday: Friday morning we talk to the nurse and they had reduced her oxygen levels and let up on her sedation.  I wanted Collin to go with us to hear what the Drs. had to say.  But again 2 visitors per day.  I texted Jill who works up at UMMC.  She put in a call and was able to get us to have 3 visitors that day.  That is God Wink #6.   Mom was stable still.  She was more alert and she was able to open her eyes and follow some commands.  She was able to squeeze my fingers.  We talked to the Drs. and right now the pneumonia is the main concern.  We did find out that her kidneys had taken a hit.  They originally thought dehydration or a blood clot.  They did an ultrasound of her kidneys and she did not have any clots.  They were going to continue to monitor the output and keep us posted.  They needed the kidneys to filter out the fluid in order to help the pneumonia.  

Saturday: Collin, the girls and I headed back to Atlanta around 4:00.  Pop, Stephani and Alyssa Claire went up there to see Tia.  Alyssa Claire had not seen her.  We found out before we left that her kidneys had not gotten any better.  They were giving her some lasix  to see if that would help.  She was pretty much sedated on Saturday and they had upped her oxygen levels to keep her comfortable and allow her to rest.  It was hard leaving, but Collin had to travel Monday and Ella really needed to get back to school.  Pop assured us he would be fine until someone came back.  We made it home around midnight.  These girls and Collin have been troopers through all of this.  

Sunday:  Literally a day of rest.  Emery ended up in bed with Collin and I at some point and she and I slept until 10 am.  Pop went to the hospital and Tia was about the same.  No worse and no change.  She is stable.  Still monitoring her kidneys and going to call in a kidney Dr. on Monday.  Pop seemed ok.  I know it is tough for him.  

Monday: Collin flew out early after he put Ella on the bus at 6:50 am.  I think she was ready to get back to school.  Emery and I kept busy- I have been catching up on some work and getting the house back in order.  We left in such a hurry Tuesday night it was a mess.  I talked to Pop off and on keeping me updated.  By that afternoon, they decided to go ahead and start her on dialysis.  She was still heavily sedated and really didn’t know Pop was there.  

Tuesday:  My devotion talked about Plans that go God’s way.  It was reminding me that His plan is way better than mine.  Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.  I know that God has a plan for my mom and for us.  We need to trust him.  I have played You’re Gonna be Okay by Jenn Johnson on repeat.  I know that my mom is a fighter and she is fighting to stay here and get better.  We need all the prayers we can get.  Right now it is a waiting game and patience is not a strong virtue of my family.  It is tough being back in Atlanta and trying to live a normal life when things are far from normal.  I try not to let the guilt get to me. Ella is back in school and Emery is going today. Collin flew back in town early this am.  Hopefully I can keep myself busy finishing some work and not sit and think.  I know that is what my mom would want.  Emery and I will be heading back this week sometime and Ella will stay with Collin.  We had a trip to San Antonio planned for this weekend and I think he is going to go ahead and take Ella.  Father/Daughter trip.  I tell you that man is my rock lately.  I don’t know what I would do without him.  I trusted God to wait for the right man and I could not have gotten a better one.  

If you made it this far, thank you for reading.  As I stated when I started writing, this is therapy for me. I am sure there will be more God Winks along the way.  I will keep you updated.   If you did read this far, you realize this is a bit more serious than we have explained on our updates.  Thank you for all the prayers, calls, messages, comments and visits.  I am not sure what we have done to have such good friends but we love you all and thank you all.  

Ella Starts Pre-School

I thought today would be a good day to update the blog.

Today marks a BIG day for Ella.  She started Pre-School this morning at Spanish Schoolhouse!  How is it possible that she is old enough to start school? Where did my baby go?  

Last night as I was putting her to bed, I got teary eyed thinking about her starting school (blame it on the pregnancy hormones 😏). Then when I was talking to Collin about it, he brought up the fact that close to 4 years ago we didn't even know if we would have one to be able to send to school. Much less another one on the way.  

Back in February when everyone was registering their kids for school, we really didn't know where we would be.  I am so glad that we got to stay here and know that we will be here for probably another 3 years maybe longer.  The Spanish Schoolhouse has a great program and I think she will like it.  It is really convenient to our house, which is an added bonus.  

So how did the 1st day go...well she was fine until she thought that Boots was going to have to stay in her nap mat. We retrieved Boots and went on into the classroom.  She was fine until her daddy went to hug her and tell her bye.  She threw her arms around him and cried.  And that's when mama lost it.   She turned away and wiped her tears as she was running off to play.  Let's just hope she stayed that way.  I did call and check on her and they said she was perfectly fine.  I guess we will see at 2:00!

This is a strange feeling for mom.  I guess its terrible to admit that this is the first time Ella has ever been dropped off somewhere to stay without Collin or myself.  Yes, she has stayed with my parents and babysitters but that has always been in the comfort of her home.  It's a strange feeling when you leave your child somewhere.  It was also weird walking back into the house without her.  I can't tell you the last time I was home all alone.  Poor Sunny paced around for a little bit looking for her.  I assured him she was coming back.  

I can't wait to go get her to see how she did and how her day was.  Trust me I am going to like the 5 hour break 2 days a week, but it might take some adjusting!  I can't wait to get things done around here that I can't seem to get done with a 2.5 year old.  

In other news...I reached the 23 week mark on Sunday.  It's hard to believe that I only have about 4 months left.  Part of me wants it to go by fast and part of me wants to soak in all the alone time with Ella.  I think she is getting excited about baby sister.  I also try not to think about all that is coming up around the time this one is due.  Looks like she will be an end of November or early December baby.  That means...Christmas is going to have to go up before Thanksgiving or it might not get done! So we will have Thanksgiving, a baby, a 3rd birthday and then Christmas!  Do we have great timing or what???  

Until next time....

SURPRISE It's a GIRL!

If you are here then you have read our news on Facebook!
SURPRISE....WE ARE PREGNANT!

I thought it was only appropriate to announce this on Father's Day!  I am also entering 15 weeks.

I am sure everyone is curious for the details.
So here goes...

To say we were shocked when we found out Easter weekend is an understatement.  I never in a million years expected it.  We were out of town for Easter and came home a day early because Ella was sick. I am not sure why I decided to take a test, but I did.  When the line came up I thought I had the test upside down (LOL) because the pregnancy line came up before the other line.  Collin was cooking breakfast and I went running in the kitchen.  If I had taken the test the day before, I would have believed it was an April Fool's joke.  

After our last round of IVF in November, we were done.  Over the 4 months that followed, I had come to terms with Ella being an only child.  Honestly I was fine.  I even told someone about a month before we found out that I believe God had taken the desire of having another child out of my heart.

I had said many times if it happens it happens, but I am not going to seek it out with anymore fertility treatments.  I also really didn't think I could handle 2 kids (still up in the air about that one).  I stayed in shock for awhile.  I hate to say (given our history) that it has taken me awhile to wrap my brain around this.  You come to terms with one thing and then surprise!   I guess God has a sense of humor considering tomorrow I turn 40.  #40andpregnant

I honestly didn't believe it-then the sickness hit.  For about 13 1/2 weeks, I was so sick.  I don't remember it being that bad with Ella.  As I enter 15 weeks today, the sickness is finally letting up.  I will say that Daddy has had to pull a lot of my weight around the house.  He has been a champ!

So this is where it gets weird.  We found out on April 2nd that we were pregnant.  3 years ago on April 3rd we did the egg retrieval for Ella.  This pregnancy and Ella's pregnancy are about 3 weeks apart.  We first heard this baby's heartbeat on May 3rd.  We first heard Ella's heartbeat on May 4th. How did we manage that?  2 December babies.  When we were doing IVF after Ella we both were like we don't want another December baby. Well guess what...I am due December 9th!

We did the genetic testing again with this baby.  Collin was out of town when we got the results.  The company actually emailed them to me before my Dr. called.  I knew better than to open them because it would show the gender.  The nurse called at 4:20 on Friday afternoon (of Memorial Day weekend) to let me know that the results were all fine.  By that time it was too late to go pick up the results to be able to do a gender reveal.  So....those results sat in my email box and Collin's email box ALL WEEKEND and neither one of us peeked!

He got his brother (since they were together) to look at the results and write down the gender so we could get some balloons for Ella to open.  We had plans to do it Monday and take pictures of us opening the box, but Ella got hit with the stomach virus.

We couldn't wait any longer so we improvised.  Ella in her peppa pjs and all-at least they were pink and blue.   I actually think they turned out really cute! It was a special moment for just the 3 of us.

I was really shocked that it was a girl.  I just knew it was going to be a boy.  We honestly didn't care...we want a healthy baby with 10 fingers and 10 toes and a SLEEPER!!!

We have been talking to Ella a little bit about being a sister.   One day before we found out I asked her if she wanted a baby brother or baby sister and she said....
Baby Sister!  She has no clue what that means!  I am trying to soak in all the last moments with her as an only child.    

This pregnancy has been harder to keep a secret that Ella's was.  I guess because we have so many friends here in Rockwall.  I was so sick, I couldn't keep it a secret from people I saw or talked to everyday.  We decided to share with close friends and family.  We have been so open about our journey that I knew I would share this one no matter what.

Before we found out we were pregnant we were trying to plan a trip for my 40th birthday and one for us (since we haven't been anywhere since Ella was born).  Once we found out were pregnant some of the places were taken off the table because of Zika. We decided on Bermuda!  So for the next 5 days we will be soaking in the beautiful beach and sunshine.  I try not to think about the fact that I am turning 40 and pregnant.  I know that it is 100% a blessing and one that we are extremely happy for. We never thought this would happen.  We knew there was a chance, but with our history didn't think it would happen.

We have already been asked if we could please name this little girl before she was born LOL.  I will say this...we will try!

Thanks to everyone who has followed our journey and has been there through it all. Obviously there was more to come.  To the people who have encouraged me over the last 15 weeks...I am not sure I would have made it without it.  We still have awhile to go, but this little girl is loved already.  We can't wait to share more with everyone.

Oh!  I forgot some other GREAT news!  As we found out we were pregnant, Collin got a promotion!  We also found out that we will be staying in the Dallas area for a few more years!!!

Now I am going to enjoy some much needed R&R with the best husband and daddy there is!

Happy Father's Day x 2!!!

Such a Big Miracle in Such a Little Girl

I don't know if I am ready to write this blog post or not, but here goes.  

First off I want to say Thank You to every one that has prayed for us and followed along on our journey.  Second Thank You to everyone that has called me brave for sharing our journey.  Every time I would hit post, I would have a moment of panic and questions would go through my head.  Am I sharing too much?  Does anyone really care to read about our struggles?  Your kind words stopped me on more than one occasion from deleting the posts. I am not sure I would call myself brave, I think sharing is just something that I felt called to do. 

If you have been following along you know from the last post that we were in the 2 week wait.  Well unfortunately we did not get the news we had hoped for.   When I found this picture the other day for Ella's room, I had no idea just how true it would be. She is truly "our little miracle baby."  It has taken me a couple of days to process the news.  I knew going into all of this there was no guarantee it would work.  But you still hold onto hope that it will.  I was just thinking that maybe we would get another miracle.  I think it's one thing for YOU to decide as a family you are done having kids but to have that decision taken away from you is another thing.  I know that in the grand scheme of things it is not OUR decision, it's GOD's.  I know that one day I will understand it all but right now it really stings.  

Last post I talked about how thankful I was for this process.  While it has probably been the hardest thing I have ever done.  It also has taught me so much.  This is not for the weak at heart.  It will test everything in your life.  You realize just how precious life is and just how special it is to have a child.  

I know there is nothing that I could have done differently, but I still question it.  I would be lying if I wasn't asking myself...why us.  But then I stop and Thank God for Ella.  I know that she is here for a reason and one day all will be revealed to us.  As a friend told me today...you just have to find the lovely in all of this.

The 2 weeks we were waiting for the news were so long.  But these last (almost) 2 years we have had with Ella have flown by.  I just need time to stand still.  I need to savor my baby a little bit longer.  It's hard to believe that she will be 2 in almost a month.  We are so grateful for her and I feel truly blessed that God has trusted me with her. 

I know that each day will get easier and easier.  As bad as it hurts, I am ready to begin a new chapter in our lives.  Collin and I have been going through this process for probably 4 of the 6 years we have been married.  As tough as it is to say we are done and as much as we wanted to add to our family, I know God has other plans in store for us.

7 years ago today...I said "yes" when Collin asked me to marry him.  It hasn't been the easiest road but I would not change our story for anything in the world.  Some people talk about being an old mom... I embrace it.  God knew what He was doing when He was taking His time bringing us together.  I could not have asked for a more supportive husband through this process.  He loves his little girl!



This is one of my favorite books to read to Ella at night.  So many people prayed for this little girl and I know that she is going to do great things. God has a special plan for our one "good egg."  She really is EGGstra Special!

So thank you all for all the encouraging words, prayers, and good vibes.  Thank you for following our journey.  Our next adventure is a trip for mom and dad!  Get ready Tia and Pop you get the Texas Tornado for a week!

Thankful, Grateful and Blessed

Dallas Arboretum 2017

As we are fast approaching November, I am reminded just how thankful I am for this little girl. There was a time when I didn't think I would ever be able to experience motherhood.  As the uncertainty of having another one still hangs in the balance, I am so thankful that I am able to continue trying.

We started our last IVF cycle the first of October.  It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Having to go into Dallas every other day wasn't fun, but Ella did GREAT with the babysitter! 

After the first couple of appointments, I got a little bit discouraged.  As I said before, there is no guarantee that this would work.  My follicles were growing slower than the cycle with Ella.  Dr. Lee did reminded me that it was almost 2.5 years ago.  I decided that I would try not to worry and just let God take control.  As we got closer to the egg retrieval, all the logistics that goes into it started to stress me out.   We were going to have to be in Dallas really early in the morning.  Not knowing the exact date was challenging to make sure we had someone to watched Ella.  I was also worried how Ella would react to someone else waking her up.  

Trigger Shot

Finally after making the trip into Dallas 3 days in a row for appointments, I was ready for the trigger shot.  The trigger shot is given 2 days before the egg retrieval at a very specific time.  We had to be in Dallas at 6:15 a.m.!  That meant we had to leave our house by 5:30.  The retrieval would be at 7:15.  It's amazing how detailed and timed they have this all down to.  I was out of surgery (not really surgery but they do put me to sleep) before Ella even woke up.  When she did wake up, she was perfectly fine with Savana!  

As we started this process, we both said we only wanted enough embryos for a fresh transfer (fresh transfer means they transfer the embryos on Day 3 or Day 5 after the retrieval).  Dr. Lee was able to retrieve 6 follicles.  I have to admit I was a little discouraged because the cycle with Ella, we got 18 mature eggs and ended up with 7 embryos.  BUT only 1 of those was a good embryo.  They called the following day to let us know that out of the 6 follicles, only 3 were mature eggs and all of them fertilized.  So we had 3 embryos.  Not bad considering we didn't want to have to freeze any (I believe frozen transfers just don't work for us).  Dr. Lee said sometimes less is better quality.  That's what we are hoping for!  

Good Luck Mom!

Since we only had 3 embryos they decided on a Day 3 transfer.  That kind of threw me, because I had it in my mind that we would do a 5 day and it would be on a certain day.  The transfers take place during the lunch hour.  We had no childcare for Ella.  They don't allow children in the waiting room.  So...Ella and Daddy dropped me off and went and had a daddy/daughter lunch!  Not a big deal after all, this wasn't my first rodeo.  I mean Collin didn't really need to be in the room LOL.  Come on...I have to have a little humor!  The transfer is a simple procedure that lasts less than 10 mins and after about 15 min bed rest I am free to go. 

If you have gotten this far, I am sure you are wondering what the outcome is!  Well....we don't know yet!!  I am currently in the dreaded 2 week wait.  I don't want to say what part...

Even though we don't know that outcome yet, I still have so much to be thankful for.   I am so thankful that we have the resources to try to expand our family, I am thankful that I have a supportive husband who has picked up the slack the last couple of weeks and will give me the dreaded progesterone shot, I am thankful for all the prayers that people have prayed, but most of all I am thankful that God has allowed me to be a MOM.  I know it sounds weird, but I am thankful for this process.  I believe it makes me a different mom.  I don't know how to explain it and only people that go through infertility will understand that.  I can't imagine my life without this little girl.  I only hope that we are lucky enough to experience it again.

Halloween 2017

Thank you for all the prayers and keep them coming! One song that I love listening to is Hillary Scott, Thy Will.  I know God has a plan and I am trying to stay positive and let Him handle it all.

Thanks for reading!  

The Next Adventure Begins

It's been awhile since my last post.  I am good about posting pictures (which I am sure people get sick of seeing) but not at blogging.  I have moments alone and have all these thoughts in my head and then I sit down in front of the computer and go blank.  I am not a writer by any means!

This is the 2nd time I have tried writing this. Maybe it's a little bit of oversharing but hopefully it helps people understand this process and me a little better.

Infertility is a subject not many people talk about.  While I was going through IVF with Ella, I was a very closed book.  It's not something that was easy for me to talk about.  I felt like I got pity from people or people felt sorry for me.  Maybe it was just in my head.  I also didn't and still don't want people to feel like they have to tip toe around me. It's a process that if you share with people then you have to share the good news as well as the bad news.  In our case we had bad news a whole lot more than we had good news.

All that to be said, this time around I would like to be more open.  A friend put it in perspective the other day.  Why not let people know what's going on that way more people can be praying for you. So this should answer everyone's question...are we going to have more kids.

"Good Egg" Easter 2017

After Ella, we were left with 5 frozen embryos. Over the last 6 months we have transferred all of them with no luck.  We knew that there was no guarantee that any of them would take.  I honestly panicked the first time we did a transfer.  I just knew it was going to work and I wasn't sure I was ready for another baby.  Ella was only 14 months old!  When we got that final negative pregnancy test, we realized it might be over.  We laugh and call Ella our "good egg" and honestly she might be our one and only good egg. I took the picture below on one of our transfer days.  We  knew she was special we just didn't know how EGGSTRA special she was! 

EGGSTRA Special

Over the last month or so we have gone back and forth whether to do one more round of IVF.  I feel like people will think we are crazy for trying again. Yes, it's expensive, it wreaks havoc on your body, mind and soul, but in the end it is so worth it! I have mixed emotions because this will be our 9th attempt.  We have done 5 egg retrievals and 8 transfers.  This will be our 6th egg retrieval and 9th transfer.  I know that seems crazy when you read it. At first, I was like I am done that is way too many times.  Then I reminded myself that some people try every month for a year to get pregnant and that's a whole lot more than 9 times!  For us, it's not that simple.  We are very fortunate that we have the resources to keep trying.

Some days I think to myself this is God's plan because I can't handle another child.  I have no clue why I thought Ella would be easy once she got here.  Some days are tough but I would not change any of it!  The odds might not be in our favor but I am not ready to close the chapter without trying one more time.  It's one thing to make a decision to say I am through having children-it's another to have that decision made for you.

I guess I am being more open because the process will be A LOT harder this time around.  The shots hurt, the hormones are not friendly, the appointments will be challenging with Ella and there is no guarantee it will work.  I will need all the prayers and good thoughts anyone wants to send my way.

Cheese!

I am nervous to start this next adventure. I keep questioning are we doing the right thing and stressing on managing it with Ella.  I come to the same conclusion as I mentioned above...I am not ready to close the chapter yet.  I can't imagine our life if we had given up the time before Ella.  It really is true that good things come to those that wait.  Every night when I am putting Ella to bed, I thank God for making me a mom and for trusting me with her. If Ella is all God has planned for us, we are perfectly content with her!  Adding another child is just a bonus!  She might be our one and only "good egg" but we are on the hunt to try to find another one.

The next adventure begins....

Life is a Beautiful Ride

I am a little behind on posts.  I have tried to write this post for 3 days now.  I made some changes to it yesterday and it didn't save!  So here I am trying again!

Almost 4 months old!

April is a special month for us.  After 3 years of trying and 4 unsuccessful rounds of IVF, the 5th one finally worked.  I took this picture last Friday the 8th because that is the day we did the transfer last year.

April 24-30 is also Infertility Awareness Week.  Not a lot of people talk about infertility.  I know I didn't.  It's a hard process and it changes you.  I saw this quote the other day (not sure by who)

"Infertility damn near broke me, but it also brought me my greatest blessing in life: a little girl I would walk through fire for today."

So much truth in that statement.  For anyone that has struggled with infertility you know the feeling.  I am so thankful for all the encouragement I got, all the people that listened to me and all the prayers we got.

For those of you who are following along (not sure if anyone is)...I left off on the last post with us doing the retrieval. 

You go in for the retrieval and then have to wait 5 days before the transfer.  So last year on April 8th, we went in for a transfer.  As I mentioned in the last post, this was the best cycle we had.  When we arrived at the clinic we learned that we had 7 embryos that made it to day 5. That is the most we had ever had.  They chose the best 2 to transfer which means that we were able to freeze 5.  We had never had any to freeze.

The transfer process is very short and you are awake the whole time.  After the transfer we had to wait an hour before we could go home.  After my hour was up, we were free to go home.  I just had to take it easy for the rest of the day.  

Next comes the waiting game!  We didn't go back for blood work until April 17th. So I had 10 long days to wait!

My parents came to stay with me because Collin was going out of town and I was suppose to take it easy.   My parents brought these geraniums to us last April when they came.  I have a knack for killing every plant we buy.   Collin laughs every time I want to buy plants.  He says our house is where plants come to die.  We have managed to keep these alive for a year!  I see these 2 plants every time I drive up in the driveway and I am reminded of our sweet Ella. 

I am so glad that we never gave up.  I will never get tired of seeing that beautiful smile!  We are so lucky and I count my blessings everyday.

Yes, we are having our challenging moments getting her to SLEEP!  She doesn't like to go to sleep, but once she does she is down for 10+ hours!  Some nights it takes us 2+ hours to get her to sleep.  I am hoping that it is just a phase.  Doesn't she realize how precious sleep is??

We will survive.  I am trying to enjoy the extra snuggles and enjoy the extra rocking.  She is growing way too fast.  Time needs to slow down.

Life ain't always beautiful but it's a beautiful ride.  Our beautiful ride brought us this special little miracle baby!