This is the 2nd time I have tried writing this. Maybe it's a little bit of oversharing but hopefully it helps people understand this process and me a little better.
Infertility is a subject not many people talk about. While I was going through IVF with Ella, I was a very closed book. It's not something that was easy for me to talk about. I felt like I got pity from people or people felt sorry for me. Maybe it was just in my head. I also didn't and still don't want people to feel like they have to tip toe around me. It's a process that if you share with people then you have to share the good news as well as the bad news. In our case we had bad news a whole lot more than we had good news.
All that to be said, this time around I would like to be more open. A friend put it in perspective the other day. Why not let people know what's going on that way more people can be praying for you. So this should answer everyone's question...are we going to have more kids.
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| "Good Egg" Easter 2017 |
After Ella, we were left with 5 frozen embryos. Over the last 6 months we have transferred all of them with no luck. We knew that there was no guarantee that any of them would take. I honestly panicked the first time we did a transfer. I just knew it was going to work and I wasn't sure I was ready for another baby. Ella was only 14 months old! When we got that final negative pregnancy test, we realized it might be over. We laugh and call Ella our "good egg" and honestly she might be our one and only good egg. I took the picture below on one of our transfer days. We knew she was special we just didn't know how EGGSTRA special she was!
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| EGGSTRA Special |
Over the last month or so we have gone back and forth whether to do one more round of IVF. I feel like people will think we are crazy for trying again. Yes, it's expensive, it wreaks havoc on your body, mind and soul, but in the end it is so worth it! I have mixed emotions because this will be our 9th attempt. We have done 5 egg retrievals and 8 transfers. This will be our 6th egg retrieval and 9th transfer. I know that seems crazy when you read it. At first, I was like I am done that is way too many times. Then I reminded myself that some people try every month for a year to get pregnant and that's a whole lot more than 9 times! For us, it's not that simple. We are very fortunate that we have the resources to keep trying.
Some days I think to myself this is God's plan because I can't handle another child. I have no clue why I thought Ella would be easy once she got here. Some days are tough but I would not change any of it! The odds might not be in our favor but I am not ready to close the chapter without trying one more time. It's one thing to make a decision to say I am through having children-it's another to have that decision made for you.
I guess I am being more open because the process will be A LOT harder this time around. The shots hurt, the hormones are not friendly, the appointments will be challenging with Ella and there is no guarantee it will work. I will need all the prayers and good thoughts anyone wants to send my way.
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| Cheese! |
I am nervous to start this next adventure. I keep questioning are we doing the right thing and stressing on managing it with Ella. I come to the same conclusion as I mentioned above...I am not ready to close the chapter yet. I can't imagine our life if we had given up the time before Ella. It really is true that good things come to those that wait. Every night when I am putting Ella to bed, I thank God for making me a mom and for trusting me with her. If Ella is all God has planned for us, we are perfectly content with her! Adding another child is just a bonus! She might be our one and only "good egg" but we are on the hunt to try to find another one.
The next adventure begins....
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